Family Guy: Volume 4

Can a dog fall head over heels for a gorgeous blonde? Sure… if the blonde is a yellow lab. In Brian the Bachelor, Brian met the girl of his dreams on a lame reality tv series called The Bachelorette. "Stupid" was the word he used. Which ones would you pick to explain why he agreed to appear on the show? Did it have anything to do with his desire to find a mate?

We'll give you the answer to this one, you give us the question… and the episode - he swallowed twenty pounds of nickels to set a world record.

If someone told Peter that they caught Loretta with some "skinny-assed, white guy" in the episode entitled The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire, his first guess wouldn't have been Cleveland, right? So why did he mistake Quagmire for her husband when he caught the pair au naturel? The answer to that question is, "because he's a retard." Granted, he never saw Quagmire's face, but he was smart enough to put two and two together when he recognized his tattoo. What would you ask for if you wanted the same tattoo on your ass?

We know a few people who'd take anything (and we do mean ANYTHING) if it they thought they were getting it for free, even if it was as useless as a flavored suppository. The tab that Peter ran up at Goldman's Pharmacy in 8 Simple Rules For Buying My Teenage Daughter came to a whopping $34,000! Do you remember what his original purchase included?

When an employment agency asked Peter to list the jobs he was qualified for in Jungle Love, he jotted down cowboy, astronaut and beer expert. There was something else on that list. What did we fail to mention?

Timing is everything in comedy. Remember when Lois sighed, "I don't know. I just don't feel that spark anymore" in North By North Quahog? What would Peter have been referring to if he replied, "why don't you try these, honey?"

If you need some help with this next question, try talking it out. That was how Peter came up the answer to "say what" in Petarded. His gibberish included the title of a comic book and one of his favorite foods. Was it a combination of "waffles and Aquaman," "French fries and Spider-Man" or "steak and the Fantastic Four"?

What were the rules of the drinking game that Peter made up to pass the time in Perfect Castaway?

The answer to this last question can be found in the episode entitled Peter's Got Woods. What's your favorite movie snack? Popcorn? Twizzlers? Nachos and cheese? Mayor West preferred this unusual treat. Here's another a hint; it's not something that one normally eats with their fingers.

WHO SAID IT?

"I know this is the wrong time to be star-struck, but Mel Gibson is shooting at us."

LIGHTS, CAMERA, COMMENTARY

If you're not familiar with how this next question works, we provide an excerpt from one of the episode's feature commentaries. Your task is to identify the scene (or, as is the case here, the episode) based on that excerpt. It's that simple.
"Originally it was going to be a McDonalds then a Burger King, but there's always sponsorship issues. They know it's a fast-food restaurant." "Who else has a fryer like that that you can lift up and throw away?"

FAST TIMES AT BUDDY CIANCI JR. HIGH

1. "In the television comedy world, the people are entertained by two separate, yet equally important types of shows. Traditional sitcoms that get laughs out of everyday situations and animated shows that make jokes about farting. This is the latter." Did those words parody LA Law, Law and Order or Hill Street Blues?

2. We omitted a line (or two) from that introduction. Tell us what those lines are and where they belong.

3. Chris' gymnastics teacher told the parents that their kids usually exercised outside, unless it rained… or unless this happened. What was his other reason for keeping the kids indoors? If you need a hint on this one, it had nothing to do with the weather.

4. One of the parents was clocked in the head three times after Peter yelled, "Heads up!" Do you remember what he was hit with?

5. If we asked you how Brian became Chris' English Comp teacher you'd answer, "Ms. Clifton quit after she won the lottery," right? Her last words were, "I'm free from all those snot-nosed little bastards!" Now, maybe it's just us, but we don't think she could have made her intentions any clearer other than by coming right out and saying "I quit!" Was it Peter who asked, "Is she coming back?"

6. You're familiar with the show Dirty Jobs, aren't you? Here's one that would turn Mike Rowe's stomach. What was Chris doing when Brian sighed, "If dogs aren't supposed to eat (that), why do they make it mint-flavored?"

7. And you think your homeowner's insurance is high? Imagine what the Griffins were paying, if they had any at all. How did Peter almost break his neck after Brian complained about living with an idiot?

8. File this next question under the category of You Can't Say He Didn't Warn Her! Chris tried to point something out to Mrs. Lockhart right before this mishap occurred, but she either didn't hear him or maybe she just didn't believe him. What are we referring to?

9. Who needs a handbag or a briefcase when your breasts are big enough to blot out the sun? Mrs. Lockhart pulled three different items out of her cleavage in the episode. The first certainly could have fit, but not the others. Do you remember what they were?

10. If we had to pick a favorite line of dialogue, this would be it. What did Chris say to Mrs. Lockhart when she asked him what he saw on his test paper?

11. Lois told her son, "The way to win a girl's (heart) is to do something romantic and unexpected." What he ended up doing fell under the category of foolish and embarrassing. What would he have been referring to if he remarked, "that's the last time I listen to dad"?

12. There was something different about Brian's appearance when he sighed, "I don't know what to do, you know? Society has given up on these kids and I feel like I may be the only one who can help them." What was it?

13. So your dad wears black socks with sandals, big deal! If you think that's embarrassing, imagine one of your parents going down to your school to inform a teacher of your secret crush. Did Mrs. Lockhart react like she already knew when she heard that Chris wanted to "plow" her?

14. Why did Chris repeat the word "taco" after a door was slammed in his face?

15. What did Chris think his mom meant when she remarked, "Honey, we know what you did. And I have to say, honestly, I don't approve"?

16. Let's say you could turn yourself into any object. You know where we're going with this one, don't you? What object did Peter pick in the cutaway that spoofed The Wonder Twins?

17. Rich husband mauled by bear. News at eleven… What did the viewer discover about Mrs. Lockhart's character when a local news station broke the story about her husband's murder?

18. The episode ended with the words "Love you" and a physical display of affection between Mrs. Lockhart and the bear. What would you do to the person sitting across from you if we asked you to mimic the act that we're referring to?

Answers

Breaking Out Is Hard To Do
He wanted to teach Lois a lesson for leaving him unattended in the supermarket.

Brian the Bachelor
No, he did it for the booze and the food. He also got a free vacation out of the deal.

How did Peter lose his sight?
Blind Ambition

The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire
The words "Your Face Here" and Quagmire's home phone number.

DON'T MAKE ME OVER

1. No

2. He was a good listener and he was good with animals

3. "That's about as likely as me playing by someone else's rules besides my own… which I would never do."

4. No

5. The number of stores, restaurants and bars in the mall.

6. Because child abduction isn't funny. He cried, "Help, I've escaped from Kevin Spacey's basement!"

7. "Little Slut" and "Porn Star"

8. Peter Griffin and the Sunday Steppers & Testicular Sound Express

9. A For Sale sign

10. "Fat, Horny, Black and Joe"

11. False

12. He uncoiled his tongue far enough to reach into the room that Lois was in

13. Neither, the band didn't know any songs.

14. Buy Me A Rainbow

15. True

16. B

17. Could a doctor perform surgery on himself if he got shot in a rap video?

18. She had some reservations, but supported the decision so the correct answer is yes.

19. Horatio Sanz

20. Jimmy Fallon

8 Simple Rules For Buying My Teenage Daughter
Some condoms and a bottle of Excedrin

FAST TIMES AT BUDDY CIANCI JR. HIGH

1. Law and Order

2. We omitted the words, "like trying to fix your own plumbing or inviting two dates to the same dance." They followed the words, "everyday situations."

3. The kids would stay inside and play dodgeball if he came in with a hang-over.

4. A dodgeball, a bundt cake and a trombone

5. No, those were Lois' words.

6. He was pulling a piece of dental floss out of his ass.

7. He fell down his indoor waterslide

8. She fell down the imaginary steps that were behind the desk

9. A piece of chalk, the quizzes she graded and a large machete.

10. "Two D's and an F."

11. He showed up for school wearing only a space helmet and a pair of boots.

12. He was wearing a pair of reading glasses

13. Yes

14. He wanted Mrs. Lockhart to run away with him to the fort under his bed. That was the password she needed.

15. He thought his mom found out that he lied about his age to get into Indian Bingo or the time he "pooed" himself.

16. A tampon

17. Her first name (Lana)

18. You'd stroke the person's back with your foot

Jungle Love
Warlock and more-powerful astronaut

North By North Quahog
The car battery cables that were hooked up to his nipples.

Petarded
Steak and the Fantastic Four

Perfect Castaway
Each person took a turn telling the others something they never did. If someone else did it, that person would have to take a drink. Who knew that Peter would confess to something as crazy as never having given a spider monkey a reach-around while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance?

Peter's Got Woods
Cream corn, the popped variety was too "crunchy" for his tastes.

WHO SAID IT?
Peter in North by North Quahog

LIGHTS, CAMERA, COMMENTARY
Petarded

DON'T
MAKE ME OVER

1. The title of this episode implied that Meg had no desire to be made over. Was she initially opposed to the idea?

2. Where this rumor started is anyone's guess, but the only boyfriend that Meg supposedly ever had was a corpse. What did she see in him?

3. Craig, the boy that Meg was infatuated with, was an arrogant SOB. The only thing he had going for him other than his looks was that he wasn't a corpse. What did he say to Meg when she finally worked up the courage to ask him out?

4. Stewie needed a rolling pin to get the thought of Meg in a midriff and low-rider jeans out of his head. Was she wearing the same outfit when a cameraman set himself on fire?

5. Horace mentioned three numbers when he complained about the mall that opened across the street from the Drunken Clam. We'll tell you what those numbers were - 300, 200 and 53. What we want you to do is to tell us what they referred to.

6. Would you run through a shopping mall naked for eight bucks? Most people would probably find it amusing if it were a toddler. But no one laughed when Stewie did it. Do you remember why?

7. Who in their right mind would pick out a shirt for their teenage daughter that read, "Sperm Dumpster"? In Lois' defense, her choices were limited. Do you remember what the others said?

8. Peter wasn't too fond of the moniker that was chosen for the band that became known as Meg and the Griffins. If the decision were left up to him, they would have performed under Peter Griffin Starship, or one of the other names he suggested. We'll give you two points for this one if you can name either one.

9. What was Quagmire looking for when he stumbled upon Horace's old karaoke machine?

10. The name of the band that Peter formed with Cleveland, Joe and Quagmire was easy enough to remember because it incorporated each person's name or trait. What you may not remember is the order. Was it "Fat, Horny, Black and Joe," "Horny, Black, Fat and Joe" or "Joe, Black, Fat and Horny"?

11. True or False: The reason why Quagmire fashioned his stage attire after Tommy Lee's Motley Crue look was because they both had hepatitis, but he wasn't the band's drummer?

12. When Gene Simmons stopped by Peter's garage in full regalia to give the band some words of advice, he did something that the real Gene would have envied. What are we referring to?

13. Someone threw a chair at Peter when he tried to entertain a group of inmates with a joke. Was it really that bad, or was it because of something that was said prior to that?

14. Luck often has as much to do with success as talent in the record industry. If you can get your music heard by the right people, you're in… if it's halfway decent. What song caught Jimmy Iovine's ear at the Rhode Island State Penitentiary?

15. True or False: Jimmy was incarcerated for stomping a cat to death?

16. One of the following albums (maybe two, you tell us) doesn't belong on this list. Which one wasn't recorded by Meg and the Griffins?
   A. It's a Family Thang
   B. Jailbait
   C. Meg on Your Face
   D. Statutory

17. What question did Dr. Ditty answer with the following reply, "No, Chris, my degree's in optometry"?

18. Dr. Ditty promised to make the band billionaires if they followed his advice. Peter had no problem exploiting his daughter for that kind of money. Did Lois feel the same way?

19. When Peter heard that Dr. Ditty booked the band on Saturday Night Live, he got all excited because he thought he was going to meet John Belushi and Gilda Radner, among others. Of the names he mentioned, only one actor was still alive. If you get this one without a clue we'll be shocked. So here's a hint - the cast member's first name sounds like "pistachio."

20. Who did Peter thank for being "a good sport" during the show's closing credits?